YES! Apple and Microsoft have merged!• (see Note 1) Do you realize what this means? A golden age of computing? An era of peace in which we may hang up our trusty rant templates? A drop in RAM prices?
NO! Imagine a very angry, undomesticated animal slowly chewing it’s way through your lower torso, and you’ll have some idea what my gut feelings on this matter are. Alternatively, you’ll have a pretty good idea what kind of sick metaphors I come up with, but it should elicit the same feelings anyway. Do I mean I’m feeling a tad queasy about this deal?
YES and NO! I’m saying Apple should do what I would do if a very angry, undomesticated animal was slowly chewing it’s way through my lower torso — grab it by the tush and drag it out. Perhaps seek medical aid afterwards, but that’s beside the point.
I don’t like it. Perhaps you have already determined this isn’t one of my favorite acts on behalf of Apple’s management. This whole thing is like the ill-fated Copland affair; when everyone read that Copland was dead, we all thought it was a joke. Ha ha ha — until we found out it was real and a tad unpleasant. Likewise, when those of us unable to visit the Expo found out that Microshaft had wormed its way into Apple, we laughed. I laughed for roughly 4 seconds, and subsequently experienced the most sudden and dramatic mood shift in the history of websurfing on discovering it was no joke.
Well, suffice it is to say that I’m a tad salty on the matter. However, it is my sworn duty to deliver the facts on this matter, and therefore I will do so. Both the pros (few) and the cons (several) will be considered, but I’m adamant in my opinion on this matter. Even my trusty ally, research (the enemy of most journalists ;-), cannot sway me in this matter.
Something stinks in Cupertino, and I know what it is: the Redmond Raunch. And no effort by the media is going to make me call it perfume.
The List
Pros
- $150 million invested in Apple. You can't really dismiss this, although if every Mac user where to send Apple five measly bucks it would result in about twice this amount. Be a patriot and buy Mac OS 8, or just send them a crisp five dollar bill.
- Increased consumer confidence. If it weren't for the media constantly slamming Apple, this would hardly be a pro. However, when Bill empties the approximate financial contents of his car's ashtray into Apple, it shuts lots o' people up in one big hurry. After all, Bill is one sharp dude• (see Note 2), and knows good business. It also causes Apple's stock price to jump — check Apple's stock price and history by going to Yahoo! (at http://www.yahoo.com/) and using the search word AAPL (Apple's stock symbol).
- Exchange of software. Yessir, Apple scored here. While Apple technologies are already regularly ported to Windoze, Muchosoft's offerings are not, and this agreement forces them to do what Apple is already doing.
Cons (well, this whole thing seems like a big con...)
- Microsoft under the covers. This makes me shiver. If Mightyshaft can have any affect on the actions of a competitor, don't expect them to be supporting and fuzzy. I just don't like the idea of Macroscoff having any inside influence over Apple.
- Those lousy "Apple receives handout" stories. You've read 'em, and if you're a red blooded Mac zealot, you've gotta hate 'em. It seems like every rag in North America has a snide comment to make on this (apparently) unsolicited business investment.
- Strife among the Mac cloners. As if there weren't problems among the cloners, Muchoscoff promises to only add to those problems. Already, there is lots of talk about "Apple gaining independence" from this massive cash infusion• (see Note 3), and this somehow makes the public feel that Apple can afford to abandon it's cloners. Not going to happen, but John Q. Public is pretty gosh dang gullible.
- Strife in the Mac camp. I feel sorry for Sun and Netscape, because with Apple making pals with the enemy, it seems to be shunning its friends a bit. All I have to say is this; if any Mac OS with Internet Explorer built in doesn't come with an "Uninstall Microshaft" (exact wording!) feature, I will be (to quote the vernacular) pissed. Navigator forever! ;-)
Now, you may call me a pessimist, or even paranoid. However, I cannot simply close my eyes to any dangerous possibilities anymore than I could when driving (well, I sometimes do so anyway... teehee! fun!..). And I steadfastly refuse to grin and adorn my house with "Welcome Microsoft" banners.
The propaganda is raining out of the megamedia, telling us we can lay down our arms. Well, let me tell you this with absolute assurance; this soldier isn't going calmly into that dark night. As long as Windows exists, my rant template will sit happily on my desktop, beaming out at me through that mass of chaos. These are dark times, mes amis; don't be blinded.
• Note 1: Use of bullet indicates usage of gross sarcasm. Just thought I'd clear that up. ;)
• Note 2: Use of bullet indicates usage of gross sarcasm. Just thought I'd clear that up. ;) Again.
• Note 2: Use of bullet indicates usage of gross sarcasm. Just thought I'd clear that up. ;) For the last time.
Anyways, More Stuff Next Month
I'll try to make up for the lack of useful facts and websites then. In the meantime, print this rant out and staple it to a PC users' forehead. Just wear a mask when you do it, to avoid those pesky criminal charges. Happy hunting!
